Six Flags – After 30

I know it’s been six months since I’ve posted anything on this blog.  I have no excuse. Really, I’m just lazy. But, last night’s trip to Six Flags certainly deserves a story.

Chris and I had the opportunity to hit Atlanta’s amusement park last night with some new friends.  We both realized when we arrived that we hadn’t been there since we were both teenagers. Well, let me take that back. I did go with a bunch of kids when Henry was 2, but I don’t think riding Thomas the Train and the Looney Tunes Cars really count as living it up at the park. Needless to say, we were both excited and ready to hit ALL the rides.

It was during the first roller coaster – the Georgia Cyclone- that we fully realized our age.  When we were 15, Chris and I were much smaller people and easily fit into those teeny tiny bucket seats they so graciously provide for you.  I would personally like to send a shout out to the makers of that ride for so generously reminding me just how big my ass has grown over 20 years. We were jammed in there so tight, our only consolation was knowing that if the ride somehow malfunctioned and we were catapulted off of it, there was no way in hell we could have been thrown out.  I thought they were going to have to use the jaws of life to get us out when the ride was over.

And don’t think that just because we were jammed in there like ketchup in a glass bottle that we didn’t feel every twist and turn of that roller coaster.  You see, when you’re 15, you don’t really notice things like whiplash or a severed vertebrae.  But, when you’re a tad older, it matters. A lot.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Roller coasters like Goliath, the Mind Bender and the  Mine Train were awesome!  The designers actually thought that maybe a normal sized person would want to ride those. But, then we happened upon the Scorcher.  Or in my case, the Boob Reducer.

If you’re uncomfortable reading about boobs, then please exit the blog right now.

You see, you stand up on the Scorcher.  I was so pumped about this ride! Everyone got on, stood in place and easily buckled themselves in. Except me. Mayday! If you know me at all, you know that I am rather well endowed.  Well, on the Scorcher, you have to pull a harness down over your chest and lock it in place.  It took three people to lock me in.  THREE PEOPLE!  And I bet you’re wondering if I could breathe. Well, NO!  Of course I couldn’t breathe!  As the ride started, I wondered who was going to win – my boobs or the harness? My only consolation was knowing that I would die instantaneously if my boobs decided to stage a rebellion in the middle of the ride.  And yes, they still hurt.

Which brings me to Acrophobia.  You see, our new friends are really fun. And very persuasive.  You see, Lacey stated that she wanted to make memories with us last night and I just thought that was so sweet. I should have known something was up when I soon learned she spent 8 years in the air force jumping out of airplanes.

You see, when you get on Acrphobia, you ascend 20 stories to the top of the ride, all while spinning around. Then, you get to the top and wait. And wait. And wait. After about 15 seconds, you fall straight down. Wait, did I mention your dangling on this ride?  Oh and did I also mention that for those 15 seconds while you’re at the top, you’re seat is tilted 15 degrees out so you have no choice but to stare straight down at your impending death?  When I went to get on this ride, BY THE SHEER UTTER GRACE OF GOD, there were no seats left. So, I had the joy of actually watching this monstrosity before my very eyes.  When it was our turn to get on, I walked straight to the exit. Chris got on the ride.

Sucker. I seriously doubt he will ever do it again.

Did we have an amazing time?  Absolutely! Was feeling hungover today worth it?  100%  Will we do it again anytime soon?  Not so much 🙂



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